autostraddle/butch-please-butch-and-boundaries
from an article on Autostraddle today that I think is really great…
“Two weeks ago, I talked about how misogyny was often perpetuated in butch communities, and in the practices of masculine-presenting queers in what seems to be an effort to emulate hypermasculinity. I am always conscious of this, and the fact that my identity is something that’s associated with such harmful behavior makes me even more aware of my own actions. But I don’t want this to erase the fact that it is still possible to be harassed as a masculine-presenting person. Objectification of feminine bodies comes with an intense history that is as true as ever. Objectification of butches and masculine-presenting queers seems much less likely to be considered an issue, or something that is damaging to the person on the receiving end. Of course, it very much is…
In my own life, I’ve constructed little rules to make sense of all this. I don’t make the first physical move. I just don’t. There’s a girl sitting in her apartment in Manhattan right now who will tell you that she endured my flirtatious small talk for literally five hours until she finally figured out that she’d have to kiss me first. I am terrified of making anyone feel sexually uncomfortable because that is an issue very near and dear to my heart, and also because I know that queerness is portrayed as a state of hypersexuality, and I feel like I need to prove to every girl I meet that no, I’m not actually trying to sleep with her. Which seems to work until I really do want to sleep with her, and then it takes two hours, or two years.
Because at the same time, I do like sex, and I don’t want to apologize for that. I am absolutely a sexual creature who wants to touch and be touched, to kiss and be kissed and revel in everything that bodies can do together. I am allowed to flirt, but I’m also allowed to choose to say no. I don’t want to live in a world where I cannot be both a butch who loves sex and a butch who is not allowed to turn down sex. All the accusations of “ugly bulldagger” in the world can’t convince me that I’m not still desirable even when I’m telling someone I don’t want them to do something to me, that I’m not worthwhile even when I reserve my right to give consent. In the shape of every crater I leave is the declaration that I have agency, and I am still beautiful.”
Link to full article:
http://www.autostraddle.com/butch-please-butch-and-boundaries/?fb_source=pubv1
